Why Are There Fleas?

#1)      Leila used to take the city bus from W.E.S. some afternoons because she was able to attend a few classes at Sinclair while still in high school.  (Yes, I know this means she has been working on a two-year degree for SIX years.  Don’t remind me.)  One day the bus driver opened the door at a stop to be confronted by a man, a woman, a small dog – and a mail box, post still attached and dripping mud from the bottom.  When the driver told them, “You can’t bring a dog onto the bus,” the man and woman looked at each other.  Then the man cleverly suggested, “How about if we put the dog INSIDE the mail box?”[1]

#2)      I’ve told Lei a hundred times not to call me from work unless it’s an emergency, but she called and woke me up – to say she’d be late getting home.  Instead of arriving around 4:30 she got here at 5:30 with a crisis:  She’d dropped off some library books for me but “Mom, there’s an animal over there, I don’t know what kind it is, it looks like it’s dying, I called Aunt Cindy first…”  Well, it’s Sunday evening on a holiday weekend.  I put on some shorts and got into the car with Leila and a box (so the animal could die in privacy).

When we got to the library she said, “Oh – it’s gone.”  I looked through a missing fence slat and said, “Here it is in the neighbor’s yard.  It’s a raccoon.”  After we placed the box several feet from the animal, I knocked on the door to let the homeowner know she may want to keep her dogs in the back yard.   Meanwhile, the ‘coon wandered back over to the library.

Then we came home and my third phone call was to the police non-emergency number, since the animal shelters were closed.

“I’m sorry to bother you but I could not reach anyone else.  There is a wounded raccoon at the library at Burkhardt and Shedbourne.”

“WHERE is it?”

“It’s. At. The. Library. At. Burkhardt and Shedbourne.”

“But WHERE is it?”

“Well, there’s a drop slot at the back of the library, it’s near there.”

“It’s IN the SLOT?”

Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod, just shoot me…..

 

[1] Remember, half the people you meet are BELOW average in intelligence.