Skip to content

You are viewing the because I’m an idiot tag archive.

BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT, PART 2

Published August 1, 2015

My daughter has had her job over a year and missed only one day (when our dog died).  Her schedule is highly variable, though, and she has school too, so I have to work in MY car use around the edges, or get her to drive me because I can’t see after dark, and an Ohio winter has only 45 minutes of daylight.

Our new license plate sticker came yesterday and it was only a little cold, so I ran out to put it on the car between bouts of rain.  Then I came into the house, complaining that I could not find the keys (we keep all car info including registrations in a zippered, waterproof box in the trunk).

“Mom.  That’s because you already turned on the car to warm it up for me.”

Oh.  Yeah.

Leave a Comment

BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT, PART 1

Published August 1, 2015

Maybe six times over 40 years, we’ve had incursions of warmth-seeking mice from the park next door in late autumn.  If they’re lucky, I catch them before the cats do.  Once I devised my own clever humane trap which actually worked, but usually it turns out the mice are smarter than I am.  For instance, I was sweeping leaves from the front porch when I wondered why a plastic bag by the column was wriggling and dancing.  I intelligently opened wide the bag to be shocked by a mouse frisking about in the birdseed I was throwing away; he leapt out of the bag[1], almost hitting me in the nose, and ran straight for the open door of the house.  Crap.  What did I think would happen if I left a bag of birdseed on the porch?!

[1] A common house mouse can run as fast as 7.5 to 8 mph, or cover 12’ in one second. Such speeds would be equivalent to a 5-foot 10-inch human being running more than 160 mph.

A domestic cat can run up to 30 mph in a short spurt. [from the internet]

 

Leave a Comment